I’m not eating great. And I’m constipated.
I’m trying to heal some generational trauma. Seems like that’s all the rage these days, but lately my emotions are exhausting.
Communication is exasperating. I’ve resigned myself to just not expressing any displeasure with my father for anything. We both have our issues and we both seem to be very brittle right now.
Who’s right? Who cares. It really doesn’t matter. Hopefully today with my son will be OK.
We seem to think the worst of each other. I don’t know if we will ever have an authentic relationship without discussing… discussing what? Decades of emotional neglect?
I planned a trip to get away, see my son and get my vision for 2021 sorted and instead I’m fighting with my father like a child. I’m a god damned adult and I’m stubborn and he’s “macho.” He won’t stop talking for one minute to ask me anything about my life, about Tori, my career of 14 years ending, what I’m up to, nothing.
Instead I have to listen to his left brain right brain NVC Course in Miracles Jesus-y lectures again and again. Just shut up and don’t question anything. It’s so infuriating because I hate feeling trapped and now we’re both walking on eggshells pretending we didn’t have hours of conflict and silent treatment passive aggressive and sarcasm.
Oh and the classic— “I’m not responsible for your upset” weaponization of “the work.”